Super Sky-Jellies Spotted in Alberta

Happily Ever Plaster

Since we're on the subject of grave markers, here's one that belongs to one of the uncles on my Mom's side. The man is 72 and in good health, but the Boy Scout in him won't allow him to not be prepared for the Big Day... his personalized headstone, a work in progress, includes TWO portraits of his favorite fishing boat, a beer dispenser, and John's own Twitter account:

Paradise is for Assholes

This guy thinks the [Rough]Riders are the cat's pyjamas...
Unfortunately, the 'Riders are a CFL football team.
What an a--hole.

Proof's In The Padding

The legendary Thunderbird only emerges from her lovenest once every 399 years, or so, and wasn't actually due to make an appearance until the twenty-second century. However....

As further proof that we are living in a dark, dangerous time--probably the end of time--crazed vandals, blaring Chaka Khan music on their portable radios, broke into the Thunderbird's posh lair and beat her with broom handles until she fled. Three eggs were laid in the melee, two of which rolled into a Beatty root cellar, never to be seen again, and the third ended up on Pakistan Avenue, in Melfort, and was quickly whipped and eaten by the attacking vandals.

Thunderbird is currently residing in Switzerland until the media frenzy abates.

Third Dick From The Sun

This fall, ABC will begin airing CELEBRITY ABDUCTION, chronicling D-list Hollywood actors who have been kidnapped by extra-terrestrials.

First up, the world's biggest asshole, French Stewart, best known for his role as Idiot #2 on the Bob Newhart or Steve Wilkos Show.

French was captured by lizard people during a 1999 visit to Uranium City, SK, and penetrated against his will. He kept the story secret for two years.

He was murdered in 2004 and nobody noticed.

Most stories about French Stewart include these words: "Who cares?"

Fuck him.

Red Hot Video Leak

Groundbreaking video captured at Swift Current: Three men and four women, camping for the weekend, discover hive of grey aliens. Humans have sexual relations with aliens, including BDSM, ATM, MMMF, BBW, MAFF, CERN, MUFON, and then redneck hunter arrives with chainsaw, murders aliens. Truck explodes. The greatest alien footage ever captured:

These Bananas are S-H-I-T

October 27, 2012: Melfort, SK will host the twenty-third annual Vampirism & Mediumship Trade Show. Tickets are available for a limited time.

Jerks From Beyond

And now, idiot-assholes from outer space are hanging testicles from their spacecraft--

Outlaw Joe See Wheels

The Ghost With No Name checks in on an injured President Obama at U-Sask Hospital.

Planet, Schmanet

Boating enthusiasts encounter a slender, mysterious sausage-craft at Ponton, Manitoba in 2009.

Boy You, All the Time

Leona Bittern catches sight of a Shadow Person, up at Lac La Ronge, SK.

Into the Hellmouth

Time-loop photograph from Meskanaw, SK, exactly 238 minutes into the future: Bill Czolgosz traverses the black void of Highway 6 in his Hando Prius.

Do not attempt this at home.

Red Shift

Is that a pumpkin pie on planet Mars? Evidence and common sense suggest that it is.

More Problems

The more outrageous a claim, the more likely it is to be true, according to Albert Einstein.

With this in mind, law enforcement officers are "taking very seriously" reports that a Kinistino resident was robbed and sodomized by Venusian jellyfish.

Sketch below.

Sweet Sweetbread's Badasss So-Long

The ghost of Morgan Freeman haunts a Tisdale bakery... despite the fact that he isn't dead yet.

City of Northern Lights

The galactic central point of extra-natural activity, Melfort, SK, has come under fire since the July 2012 UFO Invasion for its vulnerability. Mayor Bubba Lupinsky and the city council recently voted to cut the Emergency Preparedness budget by two-thirds, despite the fact that a Nuclear Monster Attack is imminent, according to insiders.

Time-loop photograph of future event. NOT an artist's rendition. This is real.

The Answer

After looking at the Universe through its Deep-Space Robot Cam, NASA has concluded that the Meaning of Everything is boobs.

Satan for Your Consideration

Rev. Bernie Butler runs over a demon-possessed child in Naicam, SK, in the winter of 2009.

World of Tomorrow

In Melfort, the hand of God suddenly intervenes in a UFO invasion (July, 2012).

Kansas it is Not

The people of Lashburn, SK, who have never experienced a windy day despite their location within the Tornado Belt, still spell Happiness like this: P-O-O-N-T-A-N-G.

Pictured above: Enthusiast

Life Out Here

NASA named this newly discovered nebula The Bigfoot Nebula, since it is likely inhabited by Sasquatches--

Photo by NASA Deep-Space Robot Cam

Life in a Northern Town

The township of Birch Hills is all fiddles and flutes, most days, but Dr. Devon Herman says there's a dark, dangerous side that visitors rarely get to experience firsthand.

"Dozens upon dozens of people have come into my clinic suffering from shark bites," says the affable curmudgeon. "These individuals are suffering everything from simple lacerations to missing limbs."

Birch Hills is over 1100 miles from the nearest ocean, and the closest waterbody is a slough that farmers dump septic waste into, unsuitable even for beetles or freshwater clams.

"I recently called [the time of death] on an elderly gentleman who'd been bitten in half by a great white. It was just like in the movie. There was a tooth lodged in his spine. A shark tooth. All that I report has been verified by experts."

Meet Roy P. Barley

The author of this Blog, Roy Prairie Barley, was born in the hamlet of Gronlid, SK in 1966--the Year of the Swan, according to the Chinese astrological calendar. He studied bovine chemistry at U-SASK, then joined the Canadian Armed Forces. In 1994, he was involved in a middle eastern "incident" and subsequently went into hiding.

In 2005 Roy was pardoned by the UN and OPEC and returned from exile to his beloved hometown, after an absence of more than a decade, and set to work writing the memoir of his life. The book is due from Simon & Schuster in May of 2015.

Meanwhile, Roy contributes to a handful of underground newspapers and maintains several websites, including this one.

He is a genuine and upstanding individual.

"A real gem of a man." -B. Dylan, moderator, http://nakedanunnaki.blogspot.ca/

Laddie of the Lake

At Tobin Lake, Joey Noodles snapped a quick pic of Jesus, or someone who resembled Him, who seemed to be struggling in the water, possibly drowning.

View from a Cereal Farm

This snapshot was taken in 1978, in Gronlid, SK, and seems to depict a space-phantom shaped conspicuously like Count Chocula.

GMO Mutation

The black earth of Humboldt is (probably) infused with Martian isotopes, resulting in radioactive, sexually adventurous vegetables. [Warning: Extremely Graphic.]

Mind-Blowing UFO Photography

The most famous UFO photograph ever taken was snapped right outside Weldon, Saskatchewan, in December of 2011. Is Santa Claus flying his magical saucer? Only the kind-hearted barley farmers of this extremely fertile agricultural region know for sure. (Except that they don't.)